The Onion Sandwich

If Elizabeth is what you crave, today you're going to be disappointed as we're fresh out of her thoughts and instead offering you a delightful little treat known as The Onion.
I have recently been turned on to this website and thought a slice of it would do my customers some good. ("the onion" while being a multi-layered, potent vegetable is also a multi-layered humorous take on the news. You may reference it at www.theonion.com).
Here's an article you will find delicious...

Criss Angel's Nephew Forced To Sit Through Another Lame Mindfreak

EAST MEADOW, NY—Sixteen-year-old Jake Howell groaned and rolled his eyes Monday evening as he was subjected to another embarrassing performance by his uncle, famed illusionist Criss Angel. "When I was younger, it was cool when he'd crank up some thrash metal, cut open his forearm, and remove a penny he'd just swallowed inscribed with my initials, but now I'm just like, come on, leave me alone and eat your dinner like a normal person," said Howell, who has requested he not be seated next to Angel during Thanksgiving this year. "I don't know how much longer I can keep pretending like he's freaking my mind." Debbie Howell, Criss' sister, added that while she too finds her brother's antics tiresome, she's just grateful he finally has a job with health insurance.


This next article is seasoned with more truth then funny. After reading it instead of laughing I went...Huh, you know, he really did die at 12....Read on...

King Of Pop Dead At 12

LOS ANGELES—Michael Jackson, a talented child performer known for his love of amusement park rides and his hobby of collecting exotic animals for his Neverland Ranch, died from sudden cardiac arrest Thursday at the age of 12. The prepubescent singer, who enjoyed playing dress-up and often referred to himself as "the King of Pop," was celebrated for his naïve exuberance and his generosity toward other children. "This is a terrible loss for music and for all of us," brother Jermaine Jackson said. "He had so much potential to blossom into a gracious and mature human being. As it is, the world will never know the genius Michael Jackson might have become had he grown up." The singer leaves behind a large body of hits, 25,000 unopened toys, and nearly $400 million of debt.

Why others morn the loss of him, I will never understand.