Poetry week continued...

Here's a poem written about the time Dayton and I first said "i love you".
I subjected this piece to the class which is to say I stood naked in front of a group of strangers and asked them to critique me.
It went really well, all the criticism that it got I felt was very useful and so changes have been made and here is the final product.


Thursday Night I Love You

A red truck moves light down a stretch
Of road. The driver, a boy, casually
Speaks to the girl beside him
While their fingers play tag; the girl
Wrapped in sweats brushes lazy hair
Out of her bare face. Red flashes
As the truck moves down new road,
Coming to a stop under the spotlight
Of her driveway--she has picked her moment.

Love was something she spoiled in the past;
Tattered, worn, and common with use,
She resolved to pack it up tight
For a special occasion,
Preferably in the rain
Like the movies where they yell
Through wet clothing.

The red truck produces the sounds of
Goodbyes—kisses, and I’ll call yous,
But all is silent when the girl unwraps
The gift she had hidden in her mouth
Since the street with no lights.